Send me junk. Like furniture and cookies.

It’s getting warm out here in Montana (and for you Ohio kids, I mean that it’s finally hit 80°. Yeah, be jealous). I start my training at Target tomorrow, and I’m pretty excited about having something to do during the day. My cat seems to be calmer than before, but he’s also settling into a routine that involves waking me up around 5:00 in the morning so that I can give him some catnip. That’s right, my cat is a junkie and he needs his fix. Wanna fight about it?

Roommates and I are still without most furniture (TVs, couches, bedframes, etc) so if any of you want to give us things like TVs, couches, bedframes, etc. feel free to send them to my address. If you don’t know my address, it just means that either I haven’t given it to you, or you’re just not cool enough to spontaneously know it.

And just so you know, you don’t have to send me furniture or other objects that are too big to fit in a mailbox. You can also send me cookies and/or hate mail if you feel so inclined. And in return, I will take pictures of myself and the people around me eating said cookies or reading said hate mail and post them on this blog, and you will get a warm fuzzy feeling when you see me and Roommates sitting on the floor of our living room (because you haven’t sent us a couch yet):

Yeah, feel guilty about this. My watch is SWEET isn’t it?

Oh, guess what? I have friends. Real Montana friends! I know, it’s weird. There are people out there who want to hang out with me, and talk to me, and drink alcohol with me? I never would’ve guessed it either. But I guess you will just have to get used to the fact that I am an amiable person who is perfectly capable of having a relationship with something other than a pet rock. 

In fact, I’m kind of insulted by your assumption that I would remain a lonely hermit for the rest of my life, spending my days conversing with the occasional squirrel that finds its way to my log cabin and knitting socks out of pine needles and cobwebs.

Actually, I am so offended by your assurance that I am undeserving of human contact and by the fact that you still haven’t sent me a couch, that I would prefer it if you didn’t talk to me anymore. But don’t let that stop you from visiting my blog or sending me stuff.

Anyways. Later.

UPDATE: I got these in the mail yesterday. Thanks Jessica!

First Week in Montana= Success, more or less.

Ok, so I know I haven't posted a new blog in a while. I apologize for neglecting you, my... six subscribers... but this is my attempt to make it up to you.

We made it to Montana from Ohio. It took us three days, and what a wonderful, fun-filled three days that was. We ran into about forty hajillion closed roads due to those floods in Iowa, forcing us to travel through Nebraska (which, might I add, is the worst state I have ever been in). Then, when we finally got to Keystone, we made it to Mount Rushmore in time to see it covered in fog. And apparently everything closes in Keystone at 10:00 so we were left to eat dry cereal and listen to my cat moan and try to get in the windows (because he has to be obnoxiously obtrusive on the night when we need to sneak him into the hotel).

But now we're here. It took a few days but I managed to get a job at Target, because apparently, they don't mind that I have no real skills to speak of, other than the ability to look like a troll with a neck wound, an extensive knowledge of bears and Pokémon, and the ability to not have a job (you're welcome for the free endorsement, Target). We don't really have furniture yet, but we're getting there, don't worry. It'll be no time and then we'll have a television AND a couch. :D

Montana's beautiful though. I really can't get over the fact that every time I walk outside, there are mountains, just staring at me. It really is awesome. And the weather is so.... not stifling. I mean, its June and its been right around 70° and not in the least bit humid. I love it. I know, I know; it'll be colder than Antarctica around October, but I prefer not to think about that right now.

My cat still isn't used to the new place. He spends most of his days walking around the house moaning. And then he spends his nights walking around the house moaning. And then when I wake up in the morning, he moans at me. And when I'm reading, he moans at me. And just for a change of pace, he moans at me. I think he might be broken.

And since I didn't post in a very long time, here's a picture of me on my mattress/desk in my new place.
WARNING: This picture is very racy, and I would advise you to remove your children from the room, lest they reach puberty at an alarming rate because of this picture. In fact, you probably shouldn't even look at it. Just turn around and face the wall. You've been warned.























Told you. Now, go clean yourself up.

I am literally crying from laughing so hard.

This is the best fucking blog post ever. No lie.

Anyway, I'm moving to Montana in four days. Four. As in the number 4. And yes, I'm aware that it will be cold as hell. It's June, so that's what? Another month until the sun reappears for a couple days? Yeah, I look forward to all the polar bears and penguins and eskimos and all that crap. Yeah. And ice fishing; don't forget the ice fishing.

I bought this harness for my cat for the trip. Its really cute. Pink, which is his favorite color. When I put it on him, he's so overjoyed that he loses all control of his legs and just looks at me with this look like "What did I ever do to deserve this?!?!?" It's going to be a blast to drive cross-country for three days with just him for company.

I also cut off my rattail. I'm having separation anxiety. Seriously. I don't have a desk anymore either, as it is being prepared for the trek to Montana. My glasses were also destroyed during a drunken rage so I had to dig my old thick-rims from hiding. Yeah, things aren't so hot. But Baby Chikky is alive and well. Baby Chikky says FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-