Ok so I’ve decided to do a drunken blog. I know, I know; you’re all wondering “But Jon, how will you be able to effectively catalog your whole night in one blog post?” Well, I’ll tell you, my dearest friends: by checking in periodically throughout the night and writing exactly what’s on my mind. So buckle up, because we are in for a hell of a night.
8:01 PM: Just cracked open the Arbor Mist Blackberry Merlot. I know, it’s a pretty weak drink for a night of drunken debauchery, but it tastes delicious and I should be pretty toasted by the time I finish the bottle.
My roommates are in their rooms, except one, who is currently at work. My cat is eating his special pee food, and I am alternating between checking my facebook, becoming trapped on Stumbleupon, and listening to Sigur Rós.
Here’s a picture.
You’ll notice that my bedroom has been rearranged and I haven’t gotten around to making my bed in a few weeks.
9:16 PM I just finished my wine… It took longer than I thought it would. I need to speed this shit up if I’m going to be obliterated by bedtime. I’ve been doing some research into the show Bleach and I just shooed my roommate’s cat away from my cat’s pee food.
9:22 PM This is what I call “The Blastoise.” (this is actually a modified Blastoise, because the Blastoise actually has pineapple juice instead of orange-pineapple).
It’s 1 part tonic
1 part Malibu Coconut Rum
2 parts Blue Pucker
1 part Simply Orange with Pineapple
10:03 PM I have a Dos Equis and another Blastoise. I just spent a half an hour on the porch with my roommate. It was EPIC! I pee’d outside. TWICE.
10:26 PM King of the Hill!
10:47 PM I am really kinda drunk. I have had two Blastoises and am now working on my six-pack of Dos Equis. I really have to pee but I don’t want to stand……… Oh shit. But look who I have….
BABY CHIKKY!!!!!!!!!!!!:<LKJASJ!!!!
10:53 PM I realize I say “debauchery” a lot. I just locked one of the cats upstairs and accused my roommate of watching porn instead of playing WoW with her boyfriend. OH FUCK, the cat ESCAPED. Sorry for saying fuck, I hope I didn’t offend.
11:04 PM Why penises are better than vaginas: A) Because they aren't vaginas... and that's all I've got.
11:05 PM I'm not sexist... really. Just gay. I prefer penises. Not vaginas. I don't like them. Nothing against girls. I've kissed girls. I like kissing girls... I'd just rather kiss boys.
11:06 PM Still not sexist.
11:07 PM Is Ann Coulter a real person?
12:01 AM BLEACH!!!!!!
1:07 AM Don't worry everyone. I didn't die from alcohol poisoning. I've just been in my roommate's room. I'm pretty messed up though. Gonna probably go to bed soon. :( I guess I suck. I apologize for sucking so much. Here's a picture of me and my roommate to make up for it...
Update: I just ate some trail mix. It was delicious.
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